Girlfriend might have depression

[tdirob]

I'm very worried about the other half at the minute and think that she may be suffering from depression. It started about 6 weeks ago when we were in Florida on holiday. Initially she had general nausia and tiredness but then she started having panic/anxiety attacks when we were queuing. We both put it down to a viral infection and the trip bringing back bad memories (she'd been to Florida several years ago when she was anorexic and hadn't enjoyed it).

When we got back, she initially seemed ok however was very worried about going back to work and due to her not feeling well missed the first week. She seemed to be getting better but was still sleeping lots (upto 18hours a day) and said she felt sick if she didn't eat every few hours although she wasn't really hungry. Then one day she got very emotional and started crying about very minor things and confessed that she felt like she just couldn't cope with everything that is going on and life in general. This was definitley her worst day and after she'd hit bottom, she seemed to bounce back quite quickly and returned to work last week. All seemed to be going well until her birthday on Friday when we were out with friends. The food was a long time coming and she started to feel sick again and felt dizzy. I managed to calm her down and she felt better again once she'd eaten. Since then though she has gone downhill again and is off work again. She is very emotional again and yesterday confessed that she felt like she couldn't get through the day - she accepts that she has nothing to do and says she doesn't know why she is feeling like that.

I've been to the doctors with her 3 times now and everytime they fob us off either with "are you pregnant?" or "it's probably just a viral infection". I managed to convince the doctor to do a blood test when we were there on Monday however as the nurse wasn't free we've got to wait until Friday before a sample will be taken. This is just making other half stress more as she has a massive fear of blood and needles.

She has always been the type to stress over everything (almost obsessively) but now it seems to be doing her some serious harm. I'll admit we've got a lot going on at the minute, we are renovating a house, but I've taken on all the responsibility and started doing all house work and just trying to let her rest to get better, but now I'm not sure if its helping or not.

Yesterday I convinced her to go and talk to someone about how she feels (I'll admit I'm probably rubbish and have no understanding of how or why she feels the way she does) and it probably doesn't help that because I'm now doing everything on top of normal work that I don't really get to stop but I really don't know what to do.

Sorry for the long post but I don't feel as if I can tell anyone round here because she doesn't want my friends or family to know...

[Skodaboy1983]

Hmmm this sounds very familier mate and I hope Skodagirl1985 does mind me sharing but Skodagirl1985 was diagnosed with mild depression and when you said the doctor asked if your girlfriend was pregnant it hit the spot that is what they said to Skodagirl!!

Be there for her mate, it will be hard and I know, my girl has had so much rubbish happen to her with family, moves it gets her down a lot and it will get you down but if your there for her and encourage her you will get through this.

Skodagirl is on a form of mild depressent which she has been on for a few months but starting to wean them off her I think.

Hope this helps and be strong to her mate you will get through this.

[auroan]

This is exactly what was happening with my ex. Hang in there. Its very very hard to sort when it gets as bad as you described.

If you wanna chat about it outside of the public forum posts drop me a pm.

[lozgti]

Without being funny,St John's Wort is meant to be very good.

[swedishskoda]

You should definitely fight for professional counselling of some kind - the G.P. is a start (if you can find a better one than the one you've already met) but your gf may also need to meet a therapist and maybe anti-depressants.

Since your gf seems to have lost her energy I'm afraid it will be up to you (or parents?) to push/drag her, make necessary appointments and so on.

I agree with lozqti that St. John's Worth actually works as a very mild anti-depressant, so no harm in trying but it's probably not enough by the sound of things.

BTW and OT: St. John's Worth flowers gives a very nice flavour to vodka, send me a PM if you want a recipe

[tdirob]

Thanks for the support everyone. I've just been on to her and she has just booked an appointment with a counsellor on Friday - her work provides FOC counselling sessions and they were very quick to get her booked in.

I wish I could do more to help. I hate feeling useless, she says she feels better when people are around her so I wish I could take time off. She is at her mums today and I'll wait to see what the counsellor says on Friday and maybe book time off next week if it helps her.

Originally Posted by lozgti

Without being funny,St John's Wort is meant to be very good.

Where can I get some of this? I'll try and get some after work if its a common thing (Tesco would be really helpful)

Edit - just been on Tesco,com. apparently they do sell tablets so I'll go and get some tonight.

[swedishskoda]

Originally Posted by tdirob

Where can I get some of this? I'll try and get some after work if its a common thing (Tesco would be really helpful)

Best bet are herbal/healthfood stores, but maybe Tesco has it, too.

[skodagirl1985]

Sounds like your girlfriend was feeling bit like I was and when I went to Doc they at first thought it was a viral infection. They fobbed me off with that till I went to the nurse for blood tests. And while in with the nurse I told her how i felt and cryed on her. She knew it wasn't viral. She advised me to see the doc after the blood tests came back.
It sounds like your gf is bit like me.I am the type to stress over things and when I stress I feel worse and go off my food. I find it comes in waves I can be fine for a few days or weeks then bang I'm down again. I'm trying to spot the signs before I get to down. its hard though.

I think the best you can do is be there for her and support her. I am so grateful to Skodaboy for all the help and support he gave me over the past few months. I feel I wouldn't of got through without his help.

Hope this help.

[mathepac]

@tdirob, I’m sorry to hear about the situation with your partner. It is undoubtedly stating the obvious that this must be a worrying and distressing time for you both, and I admire your courage and determination to get help by posting your concerns in the forum.

First off, I believe you have highlighted a key piece of information here -

Originally Posted by tdirob

... (she'd been to Florida several years ago when she was anorexic and hadn't enjoyed it)...

At some stage in the past if that was the diagnosis she was given, and having progressed her treatment and recovery, I believe she needs to reconnect with the health professionals she worked with at that time ASAP.

There are a number of reasons for this :

1) The relationship and hopefully the trust she established with these people
2) You high-light in your post a number of places where food seems to be at the centre of what you describe as anxiety / impatience / bad feelings
3) You describe her use of food to try and change feelings
4) The initial recurrence of her symptoms seems to be associated with a location she associates with “bad memories” of her anorexia
5) And finally, although you may not like to hear this, anorexia does not simply go away, like a tummy bug

Please do not be tempted to try and medicate this problem, as based on my reading of the information provided in your post, it simply will not work.

I see you are online at the moment. If you want to PM me, feel free.

[faboka vrs]

I friend a couple of years ago had depression. That person resolved to drink and on a few occassion it got bad. The person didnt seem to get much help from the GP but the GP did give the person anti-depression tablets. The next problem we found that after a while the person stopped taking them as they felt ok but after a couple of weeks it would go pear shaped again.

Wish I could give some advice but I can't only just be be with her. Is their anyway you could take time of work to be with her?

[mdk1]

Feel for you both, I have been suffering from depression for the last few months, see my thread below.
It is very good your girlfriend has got a counselling appointment so quickly, and also she can recognise there is a problem.
Just be there for her, some days will be very hard on you both, but given time it will get better.
The best thing you can do is talk to your families as they will be worried about what is going on, mine and Lynz's families have been very supportive and understanding, it has relivied the pressure on lynz no end knowing she has someone to talk too.

[ncarring]

I would suggest persevering with your doctor and any other professionals she's seeing or has seen. It's good to talk, but we shouldn't forget this is a public forum, and therefore not really an alternative to professional healthcare, particularly in the prescription of any medication for the problem. If you do get tempted to try self-treatment, please read any dosage instructions carefully.

I do hope it can be resolved for her.

[heresmo]

Originally Posted by mathepac

@tdirob, I’m sorry to hear about the situation with your partner. It is undoubtedly stating the obvious that this must be a worrying and distressing time for you both, and I admire your courage and determination to get help by posting your concerns in the forum.

First off, I believe you have highlighted a key piece of information here -

At some stage in the past if that was the diagnosis she was given, and having progressed her treatment and recovery, I believe she needs to reconnect with the health professionals she worked with at that time ASAP.

There are a number of reasons for this :

1) The relationship and hopefully the trust she established with these people
2) You high-light in your post a number of places where food seems to be at the centre of what you describe as anxiety / impatience / bad feelings
3) You describe her use of food to try and change feelings
4) The initial recurrence of her symptoms seems to be associated with a location she associates with “bad memories” of her anorexia
5) And finally, although you may not like to hear this, anorexia does not simply go away, like a tummy bug

Please do not be tempted to try and medicate this problem, as based on my reading of the information provided in your post, it simply will not work.

I see you are online at the moment. If you want to PM me, feel free.

The above was my first thought - that anorexia doesn't just go away because someone has managed to put weight on, even before reading the above. I base this from reading people's concerns on a food message board (what to eat for tea etc), so obviously nothing that constitutes medical advice. Hopefully the qualified counsellor can learn what is behind your girlfriend's concerns to give an insight as to whether tablets for depression would help. Depression symptons have an underlying cause, whatever they might be of course.

I suspect your girlfriend, tdirob, is very glad you are there and maybe like you she's not sure who to turn to either if thinking that no-one will understand, when she might not even understand things herself.

Hoping some of the above makes sense.
Hug to both.

Mo

[skodagirl1985]

Originally Posted by heresmo

Hopefully the qualified counsellor can learn what is behind your girlfriend's concerns to give an insight as to whether tablets for depression would help. Depression symptons have an underlying cause, whatever they might be of course.

I suspect your girlfriend, tdirob, is very glad you are there and maybe like you she's not sure who to turn to either if thinking that no-one will understand, when she might not even understand things herself.

Hoping some of the above makes sense.
Hug to both.

Mo

Just a question how do they get to the bottom of what's coursing the depression?

I agree With you Mo that tdirob's girlfriend will be glad to have him around. From my expreience I was glad to have Skodaboy around but often I found it hard to tell him how I was feeling and what was up main reason being I didn't know exactly myself.

Hope this helps.

[heresmo]

Originally Posted by skodagirl1985

Just a question how do they get to the bottom of what's coursing the depression?

I agree With you Mo that tdirob's girlfriend will be glad to have him around. From my expreience I was glad to have Skodaboy around but often I found it hard to tell him how I was feeling and what was up main reason being I didn't know exactly myself.

Hope this helps.

Quote:"Just a question how do they get to the bottom of what's coursing the depression?"

Hannah, I guess by question and answer because that's all counsellors can do and it's what counsellors are trained to do but they can only draw conclusions from any responses they receive. I have no knowledge as I've never seen one, but logically, there will be several "iffy" things in anyone's life at any time and body language would be relevant. For example, if I asked, "Are you worried because your cat is still not using the litter tray?" You may say "No", yet your body language might say that it is worrying you not as a primary factor but something you could do without. My point being that depression can form from things stacking on top of one another and if a counsellor can help to show a way to dispense with the easy ones, then even the "main" seems less bad and, more particularly, manageable or even removable completely given a plan of action to achieve that.

I really am spouting armchair psychology here (meaning that I know nothing definitive) - I stress that it's only how I see things. What I'm saying is that talking things through will probably do more good for some people than taking pills yet still keeping things to themselves. However, if there might be an underlying medical condition, e.g. shortage of anything (e.g. iron or vitamins/minerals etc normally arriving from food) or there's an imbalance of body chemicals that could or probably should be treated by medication, a counsellor would not be able to determine that, only doctors and blood tests etc would.

I've spouted enough now. Anyone please feel free as always if I'm talking through my hat.

Regards
Mo

[tdirob]

Originally Posted by skodagirl1985

Just a question how do they get to the bottom of what's coursing the depression?

I agree With you Mo that tdirob's girlfriend will be glad to have him around. From my expreience I was glad to have Skodaboy around but often I found it hard to tell him how I was feeling and what was up main reason being I didn't know exactly myself.

Hope this helps.

I think that is how she feels. If I ask her directly what is wrong or why she is feeling the way she is, she just can't answer and I think she finds it frustrating. We had a long talk tonight and she does seem a little better today. We decided not to try St John's Wort until she has been to the doctor and counsellor and I've said that I will take her to both to make sure she gets there and home safely.

She asked me to thank everyone for the nice messages of support it is really appreciated

[TeflonTom]

Originally Posted by lozgti

Without being funny,St John's Wort is meant to be very good.

yeah true, but you shouldn't take it if you are on the pill iirc

[smstext]

i ended up suffering years ago after work dried up at work and we were being paid to get kitted up in clean room gear to go sit in a cleanroom for 8 hours doing nothing (as you cant take anything into them). So after a few months of walking up and down in a white cleanroom i was diagnosed as having depression. I was automatically signed off for a month (a total of 3 months on and off took place eventually) a course of tablets which were great at the time but back to square one when i came off them and counsiling which didnt really do much.

The best advice i was given was to keep active, go for walks and get an outdoor hobby. I bought myself a stunt kite and use to sit down the field flying it a few hours aday. Get away from computers and tv's, eat more healthier with more square meals. cut out chocolate and junk food. Get 8-10 hours sleep and try not to get more than that. avoid alcohol and try meditation/relaxation stuff. The main thing that everyone said was to get out and keep occupied.

It might also pay to change your routine and find new surroundings, doesnt exactly mean go move (unless you want to) but a change of enviroment is often all it is. look at friends and see if it could be being around them that makes her like it too.

hope it helps or even points you towards other things that it could be. The main thing is to be sympathetic to her but not moddycoddle her. She will need to know you still love her no matter what a bitch she seems. Try and get her to open her feeling or even keep a diary so she can expalin thoughts and feelings, this could also be useful to you in understanding her.

Its hard to say what goes on in your mind when depressive, you are in your own little world (especially on the tablets) and i must admit i didnt remember much of my time whilst on the tablets (and i wouldnt recommend the tablets either).

MOst importanly mate, just be there for her!!

[lozgti]

Originally Posted by ncarring

, but we shouldn't forget this is a public forum, and therefore not really an alternative to professional healthcare, particularly in the prescription of any medication for the problem..

A good point and I'll just add a disclaimer to my suggestion...I understand St John's Wort is just a herbal remedy.Bit like Lavender is meant to help you sleep (the smell of it,don't chomp it!)

With regards to proper medication obviously thats one for the doc

Good luck

[skodagirl1985]

Originally Posted by lozgti

A good point and I'll just add a disclaimer to my suggestion...I understand St John's Wort is just a herbal remedy.Bit like Lavender is meant to help you sleep (the smell of it,don't chomp it!)

With regards to proper medication obviously thats one for the doc

Good luck

Another thing about St Johns Wort. Don't try drinking it as tea. Its rank. It says you can on the bottle if I remember right. I tried but never again.