Bestman... again!

foureyes · 21-09-2008, 22:49

Evening.

I've been asked to be the bestman for a third time!

The first time I was bestman I didn't get much say in the matter. We're in Greta for a friend's quiet wedding and the photographer turns to the groom and asks who the bestman is... and he points to me! Er, yeah, cheers! At least I didn't have time to panic or worry about doing a speech.

The second time was a whole different story. I had plenty of time to prepare... but I hated it! I can't talk in front of people. Its stupid because its done, and it was August 2007, but I still think through what I said in my speech and shudder at the thought of it.

I have a small circle of friends and the guy who has just asked me was present at this wedding. He said I can decline because he knows what I went through last time. Part of me is flattered because he's still asked me despite my last attempt I suppose!

I don't know what to do. Thing is I got engaged a couple of weeks ago too, just before this friend, and it means I'll have three friends to decide between as who to have for my bestman at some point.

Ooo, this wedding will take place January 2010 apparently. So only about 15 months of worry to look forward to!

Just rambling. Sorry.

flinty · 22-09-2008, 09:09

I know how you feel. I'm no public speaker, and had best man duties a couple of years ago. I spent almost as much effort trying to find a good reason not to do it as writing the speech and planning the stag weekend

In the end the stag was a great weekend, all the guys were there to have fun and gave some great speech material. Wrote the speech, cut it down by half then had a test run on a couple of the stags. After a few edits it was ready.

On the day I was too busy to think until the meal, I must have had 20 nervous wees in the run up to the speeches. Having practiced was a great help, It went down well and it was all over. All I had left to do was deal with several drinks that people had bought me

Good luck. Remember everyone wants you to do well and they're on your side.

Aspman · 22-09-2008, 09:29

My wedding was my bestman's second time. He told me on the day if he gets asked again he'll refuse.

His speeches were both good. Bit of a p1sstake but not too far. He had props at mine which went down well. Couple of bad pics blown up, and a beret from my old air cadet days and a school tie.

lfc958swmbo · 23-09-2008, 09:35

Why not suggest that your friend has more than one best man ?The cost could be minimal if there are ushers etc,just reduce the usher numbers to accomodate.
Then you could create a speech between you and help each other with public speaking nerves etc.It could end up being quite a good laugh.
Kathy

heresmo · 23-09-2008, 11:47

Hi. At one time, I didn't realise how much the best man actually does behand the scenes. Does it become easier once you've done it before?

As you have 15 months to worry about it, lol, you also have tht time to plan it of course, so perhaps best not worry and get a checklist set up right away?

It is indeed an honour, I think, if you're chosen as the friend that a groom places his trust in that you'll do your best to ensure that this most important day goes well.

Mo

ric04vrs · 23-09-2008, 22:24

i was best man for my mates wedding back in July , luckily for me i didn't have to sort a stag do out , as i'm cr@p at organising stuff like that

i'm also very nervous of doing the stand up speech thing, but even though i was still writing my speech on the morning of the wedding, the day went without a problem, and the bride and groom enjoyed my speech

foureyes · 28-09-2008, 21:14

Thanks for all your comments. Thought I'd post an update... I accepted his request! Gulp.

I actually thought after doing my speech last year that 'ahh, it'll be easier next time, I know what to expect'... which was all very well then but now I've actually been asked...

I put my foot in it a bit the other night when talking to the groom from last year about this... 'Well, its not something you can turn down is it?' I didn't mean it to sound like that!

Traditionally, yes, the Bestman is supposed to take on some of the responsiblity of the day's proceedings. Practically, though, you either don't get chance to learn everything because you live too far away or there's so many family members doing things that you just get away with the main rings/speech jobs. I remember standing near a grate in the church and thinking 'don't drop the rings, don't drop the rings'...

I've been told I can be as lairy as I want this time! Both families like a drink!

Another friend of mine was part of duo of bestmans a while back and it went quite well, he wrote the speech and the other guy 'speeched' it! I can do the writing part... I was so nervous last time that I didn't eat anything. Note to self - advise them to do speeches before food this time!

In a nod to another thread I'm going to sign off with my name!!

Tatty bye for now. Luke.

21-09-2008, 22:49	#1
foureyes Briskodian Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 297 Members Car: Fabia vRS, Black & STD Thanks: 16 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Bestman... again! Evening. I've been asked to be the bestman for a third time! The first time I was bestman I didn't get much say in the matter. We're in Greta for a friend's quiet wedding and the photographer turns to the groom and asks who the bestman is... and he points to me! Er, yeah, cheers! At least I didn't have time to panic or worry about doing a speech. The second time was a whole different story. I had plenty of time to prepare... but I hated it! I can't talk in front of people. Its stupid because its done, and it was August 2007, but I still think through what I said in my speech and shudder at the thought of it. I have a small circle of friends and the guy who has just asked me was present at this wedding. He said I can decline because he knows what I went through last time. Part of me is flattered because he's still asked me despite my last attempt I suppose! I don't know what to do. Thing is I got engaged a couple of weeks ago too, just before this friend, and it means I'll have three friends to decide between as who to have for my bestman at some point. Ooo, this wedding will take place January 2010 apparently. So only about 15 months of worry to look forward to! Just rambling. Sorry. __________________ They call me; Luke, Lukey or even Lukeyman! Last car: Fabia vRS - Black Magic - Sniff... New car: '82 Mk1 Fiesta - all 957 throbbing cc's of it!

22-09-2008, 09:09	#2
flinty Briskodian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Cirencester Posts: 309 Members Car: Silver 04 Fabia VRS Thanks: 1 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! I know how you feel. I'm no public speaker, and had best man duties a couple of years ago. I spent almost as much effort trying to find a good reason not to do it as writing the speech and planning the stag weekend In the end the stag was a great weekend, all the guys were there to have fun and gave some great speech material. Wrote the speech, cut it down by half then had a test run on a couple of the stags. After a few edits it was ready. On the day I was too busy to think until the meal, I must have had 20 nervous wees in the run up to the speeches. Having practiced was a great help, It went down well and it was all over. All I had left to do was deal with several drinks that people had bought me Good luck. Remember everyone wants you to do well and they're on your side. __________________ A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

22-09-2008, 09:29	#3
Aspman Briskodian Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,060 Members Car: Octavia VRS TFSI Thanks: 10 Thanked 61 Times in 54 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! My wedding was my bestman's second time. He told me on the day if he gets asked again he'll refuse. His speeches were both good. Bit of a p1sstake but not too far. He had props at mine which went down well. Couple of bad pics blown up, and a beret from my old air cadet days and a school tie. __________________ The TazZone Forums

23-09-2008, 09:35	#4
lfc958swmbo Briskodian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: kent Posts: 173 Members Car: smart pulse YELLOW Thanks: 5 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! Why not suggest that your friend has more than one best man ?The cost could be minimal if there are ushers etc,just reduce the usher numbers to accomodate. Then you could create a speech between you and help each other with public speaking nerves etc.It could end up being quite a good laugh. Kathy __________________ Smart pulse with michael shoooooomaker flappy paddles,in a very reserved colour.It is YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23-09-2008, 11:47	#5
heresmo Briskodian Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,572 Members Car: Thanks: 52 Thanked 151 Times in 127 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! Hi. At one time, I didn't realise how much the best man actually does behand the scenes. Does it become easier once you've done it before? As you have 15 months to worry about it, lol, you also have tht time to plan it of course, so perhaps best not worry and get a checklist set up right away? It is indeed an honour, I think, if you're chosen as the friend that a groom places his trust in that you'll do your best to ensure that this most important day goes well. Mo __________________

23-09-2008, 22:24	#6
ric04vrs I parked up 1st Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: not near enough to the Ring Posts: 6,169 Members Car: silver Fabia VRS Thanks: 31 Thanked 188 Times in 182 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! i was best man for my mates wedding back in July , luckily for me i didn't have to sort a stag do out , as i'm cr@p at organising stuff like that i'm also very nervous of doing the stand up speech thing, but even though i was still writing my speech on the morning of the wedding, the day went without a problem, and the bride and groom enjoyed my speech __________________ not so bored now

28-09-2008, 21:14	#7
foureyes Briskodian Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 297 Members Car: Fabia vRS, Black & STD Thanks: 16 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: Bestman... again! Thanks for all your comments. Thought I'd post an update... I accepted his request! Gulp. I actually thought after doing my speech last year that 'ahh, it'll be easier next time, I know what to expect'... which was all very well then but now I've actually been asked... I put my foot in it a bit the other night when talking to the groom from last year about this... 'Well, its not something you can turn down is it?' I didn't mean it to sound like that! Traditionally, yes, the Bestman is supposed to take on some of the responsiblity of the day's proceedings. Practically, though, you either don't get chance to learn everything because you live too far away or there's so many family members doing things that you just get away with the main rings/speech jobs. I remember standing near a grate in the church and thinking 'don't drop the rings, don't drop the rings'... I've been told I can be as lairy as I want this time! Both families like a drink! Another friend of mine was part of duo of bestmans a while back and it went quite well, he wrote the speech and the other guy 'speeched' it! I can do the writing part... I was so nervous last time that I didn't eat anything. Note to self - advise them to do speeches before food this time! In a nod to another thread I'm going to sign off with my name!! Tatty bye for now. Luke. __________________ They call me; Luke, Lukey or even Lukeyman! Last car: Fabia vRS - Black Magic - Sniff... New car: '82 Mk1 Fiesta - all 957 throbbing cc's of it!

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