I'm at just about rock bottom

auroan · 25-07-2008, 23:08

My divorce has been causing me some issue this past few months. And now I think I've finally hit the bottom. I've basically been told that once the divorce is sorted I'm never going to see my dogs again.

I don't have the money to fight this through legal action as most of it's now gone on whats happend already.

I don't know what I'm going to do now. The dogs were the only thing keeping me sane.

Vix · 25-07-2008, 23:28

I have to admit, I don't really know what to say. I have been at rock bottom in the past and can report that if thats how you feel the only other way is up!

I will hazard a guess that your ex knows that if she says things like " You will never see the Dogs again" you will be upset, I would try and act/ look like it wouldn't bother you cause at the end of the day you don't need **** like that!

I am really sorry you feel down at the mo, have a virtual hug (((((Auroan)))))

auroan · 25-07-2008, 23:30

I wish it was the ex telling me...... it was her solicitor.

Vix · 25-07-2008, 23:33

Oh I am sorry

Bigw2069 · 25-07-2008, 23:33

I dunno what to say to you mate other than keep your head up, things have a way of working themselves out and fingers crossed karma will give her a dose of the pox.

Platonic hug for you mate

fatty5000 · 26-07-2008, 00:18

I ain't good with these kinda convo's, but just keep cool and I'm sure things will pick up for you. Most of all be positive.

Easy for me to say I know.......

***Neo_VR*** · 26-07-2008, 00:30

As above really, no idea what to say in these situations... but what seems like rock-bottom is a temporary state.. things have a way of working out for the better.... just try and hang in there mate

m17rkj · 26-07-2008, 02:40

think of it like this, when you hit rock bottom there is nowhere left to go except up. chin up fella, round every corner is a new opportunity....

Mark

gilesk · 26-07-2008, 02:49

I know this is not the answer you may be looking for but as part of your new life you could get another dog, I know it is not the same and I have 2. I lost a dog a little while ago and it hurt like hell, I was very upset,it took a while to get to love the new dog in the same way but all is well now. As long as they are being well looked after that is the main thing.

okeh · 26-07-2008, 02:56

I concur
The dog i have now is a big part of my life
and every dog i have had in the past has been a big part of the family and great friend(if a dog can be a friend)
But
At the end of the day its a dog
and dogs can be replaced

slider · 26-07-2008, 08:20

not much I can say other that keep your chin up, keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually the light at the end of the tunnel will come into view.

Basil · 26-07-2008, 08:31

That sounds really rough mate - but the best thing to do in that situation is not to give the ex any pleasure out of it - just lie and mention that you have replaced them with another two and couldn't possibly handle the extra care/mouths to feed.
If she is doing it out of spite - she will dump them back on you.
If not - do get another two tiny helpless little puppies and let them grow up with your love and care. Puppies need so much more care that you will be busy with them and it will help you heal with time.....

Hang in there mate, it all changes with enough time.

Bas

heresmo · 26-07-2008, 17:21

I'd concur with what was said ealier about being assured that the dogs will be well looked after properly, whether by yourself or another. It's their welfare that counts isn't it?

As you are having to let go of a part of your life, I guess you somehow have to become comfortable with that in all respects. My stand-by line to myself is that no-one ever told me that life was easy, and it sure ain't sometimes, so have to make of the current and future as best you can. In this, I suppose I'm really underlining "future". There are loads of things that keep one "sane" day-to-day and perhaps recognise more of the good things that do that?

Best regards
Mo

auroan · 26-07-2008, 17:52

Thanks for the comments people. If I get another dog with someone in a relationship, I kinda worried that I may not be able to put the same emotional effort into dog ownership in the future, with the fear that I'd loose them again.

Basil · 26-07-2008, 18:11

Fear is natural mate. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel it, even really badly at times.
You just have to go out and do what you want to.
Decide if the time is right to get a dog, if it isn't, then decide on a deadline when it would be.
And do it. Come hell or high water. You'll feel stronger for it..

Good luck matey

Bas

heresmo · 26-07-2008, 18:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by auroan

Thanks for the comments people. If I get another dog with someone in a relationship, I kinda worried that I may not be able to put the same emotional effort into dog ownership in the future, with the fear that I'd loose them again.

You could have a good point. If you're hoping to look for a new relationship, then I guess that will be what you'll be paying attention to, so perhaps leave a "new dog" until you're happier with where you are with yourself and what you want to do? Everyone comes with "baggage" and there's no guarantee that anything will last - have to live for now really.

Regards
Mo

anonymouse · 27-07-2008, 02:04

Quote:

If not - do get another two tiny helpless little puppies and let them grow up with your love and care. Puppies need so much more care that you will be busy with them and it will help you heal with time.....

Hang in there mate, it all changes with enough time.

Agree totally with Bas

It'll get better - esp with some little 'monkeys' around to take your mind of other 'things'

auroan · 27-07-2008, 11:55

Thanks guys, rather than get another dog, for now I've become a volunteer dog walker for my local RSPCA. Taking my first dog for a walk this afternoon.

heresmo · 27-07-2008, 13:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by auroan

Thanks guys, rather than get another dog, for now I've become a volunteer dog walker for my local RSPCA. Taking my first dog for a walk this afternoon.

Sounds like a perfect temporary compromise for you, though if you set too much store by the dogs and they get to know they'll miss you a lot once you move on. I'm no expert so hopefully the RSPCA will have a handle on this? Having said that, presumably you can do it ongoing and could "trail off" visits to ease any future withdrawal?

You're clearly a person who cares about their feelings so I'm sure you'll have this covered. Meanwhile, perhaps keep hanging on to the things that make your life good and try to find some more so that you have more eggs in different baskets.

I wish you well.

Mo

auroan · 27-07-2008, 23:15

Thanks Mo.

I took quite a collection of dogs for short 20 minutes walks today. It was to0 hot for both me and them to do much longer.

I had a full afternoon down at the centre and took out the following in turn;

Tille, a collie cross (4 yr old)
Jake, a collie cross (5 yr old)
Two wonderful little 7 month old pups, roxy (an english bulldog) and midge (collie gsd cross)
Max a 2 yr old Rottwieler (who has as soft as anything and really nice)
And my personal favorite who I'd have in an instant.... Zak, a white 5 yr old GSD with a wonderful tempermant.

RobClubley · 28-07-2008, 04:34

Good that you're looking for a solution and I hope you're feeling a little better now.

My ex took our two cats - not quite the same as a dog I know but we'd had them from eight weeks old and I missed them for years.

vrswhite · 28-07-2008, 05:35

are you still in good health? and do you have a roof over your head?

i will give my comments after i know these points.

auroan · 28-07-2008, 09:30

I get the feeling I know what your gonna say mr White. And yes I probably should, but hey, thats why we're human and have emotions.

fordfan · 28-07-2008, 19:13

We are here to talk to, if it helps. Can't guarantee that we can keep you sane , but by the sounds of it with your volunteer dog walking, you're back on the way up. Keep at it and things will get better.

25-07-2008, 23:08	#1
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	I'm at just about rock bottom My divorce has been causing me some issue this past few months. And now I think I've finally hit the bottom. I've basically been told that once the divorce is sorted I'm never going to see my dogs again. I don't have the money to fight this through legal action as most of it's now gone on whats happend already. I don't know what I'm going to do now. The dogs were the only thing keeping me sane. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan) Last edited by auroan; 26-07-2008 at 17:34.

25-07-2008, 23:28	#2
Vix Briskodian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Preston Posts: 1,318 Members Car: Fabia VRS Thanks: 15 Thanked 67 Times in 67 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I have to admit, I don't really know what to say. I have been at rock bottom in the past and can report that if thats how you feel the only other way is up! I will hazard a guess that your ex knows that if she says things like " You will never see the Dogs again" you will be upset, I would try and act/ look like it wouldn't bother you cause at the end of the day you don't need **** like that! I am really sorry you feel down at the mo, have a virtual hug (((((Auroan)))))

25-07-2008, 23:30	#3
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I wish it was the ex telling me...... it was her solicitor. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan)

25-07-2008, 23:33	#4
Vix Briskodian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Preston Posts: 1,318 Members Car: Fabia VRS Thanks: 15 Thanked 67 Times in 67 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Oh I am sorry

25-07-2008, 23:33	#5
Bigw2069 Moderator Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Rosyth,Scotland Posts: 5,665 Members Car: Noddy Car Thanks: 211 Thanked 230 Times in 191 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I dunno what to say to you mate other than keep your head up, things have a way of working themselves out and fingers crossed karma will give her a dose of the pox. Platonic hug for you mate __________________

26-07-2008, 00:18	#6
fatty5000 Why So Serious Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: "What" ...What ain't no god damn country Posts: 5,562 Members Car: a car Thanks: 271 Thanked 201 Times in 182 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I ain't good with these kinda convo's, but just keep cool and I'm sure things will pick up for you. Most of all be positive. Easy for me to say I know....... __________________

26-07-2008, 00:30	#7
*Neo_VR* Om nom nom nom Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Manchester Posts: 12,480 Members Car: A White Car Thanks: 79 Thanked 175 Times in 124 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom As above really, no idea what to say in these situations... but what seems like rock-bottom is a temporary state.. things have a way of working out for the better.... just try and hang in there mate __________________ ColGod the UberMod ,___, [O.o] /)__) -"--"- ORLY??

26-07-2008, 02:40	#8
m17rkj Briskodian Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Posts: 1,162 Members Car: 2005 focus ZTW Thanks: 16 Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom think of it like this, when you hit rock bottom there is nowhere left to go except up. chin up fella, round every corner is a new opportunity.... Mark __________________ "I don't even know what street Canada is on." Al Capone.

26-07-2008, 02:49	#9
gilesk MadridBriskodia Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,044 Members Car: Thanks: 16 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I know this is not the answer you may be looking for but as part of your new life you could get another dog, I know it is not the same and I have 2. I lost a dog a little while ago and it hurt like hell, I was very upset,it took a while to get to love the new dog in the same way but all is well now. As long as they are being well looked after that is the main thing. __________________ who'd have thought it eh?

26-07-2008, 02:56	#10
okeh Briskodian Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Cheshire Posts: 764 Members Car: Black fabia vrs Thanks: 20 Thanked 19 Times in 19 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I concur The dog i have now is a big part of my life and every dog i have had in the past has been a big part of the family and great friend(if a dog can be a friend) But At the end of the day its a dog and dogs can be replaced

26-07-2008, 08:20	#11
slider Briskodian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Scottish Borders Posts: 683 Members Car: Octavia Elegance 1.9tdi DSG Thanks: 7 Thanked 19 Times in 19 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom not much I can say other that keep your chin up, keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually the light at the end of the tunnel will come into view. __________________ The man with no sig thingy BMW 118d M Sport Past cars - OctaviaII 1.9TDI DSG, OctaviaI 1.9 TDi, Focus TD Est, Rover 418 TD, Montego TD, Cavalier D, Astra 1.3, Escort Mexico Mk1 (still to be beaten for fun), Viva 1.3, Simca 1100

26-07-2008, 08:31	#12
Basil Hardcore Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Bahrain Posts: 3,255 Members Car: Fabia vRS Thanks: 200 Thanked 194 Times in 151 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom That sounds really rough mate - but the best thing to do in that situation is not to give the ex any pleasure out of it - just lie and mention that you have replaced them with another two and couldn't possibly handle the extra care/mouths to feed. If she is doing it out of spite - she will dump them back on you. If not - do get another two tiny helpless little puppies and let them grow up with your love and care. Puppies need so much more care that you will be busy with them and it will help you heal with time..... Hang in there mate, it all changes with enough time. Bas __________________ Fab vRS - Black Magic - PD160 intake - Forge FMIC - colour coded front grille -SLC Splitter - K&N Airfilter -SEAT Strutbrace - Jabba ARB - IC Waterspray (need to wire it in!) - 312mm TT brakes - Eibach Springs - Skoda Reversing sensors - Devonutopia Tuning (tm) Custom Exhaust (2 1/4" straight pipe) - Short shifter mod- 5 brake light mod - Helix Steel SMF + Organic Clutch + pressure plate - Peloquin LSD - TD stage 2 Hybrid - Washbrook remapped ECU - Uprated injectors - Cupra bushes -Poly-filled dogbone - Allard racepipe - Pirelli Dragons - Forge Rear Strutbrace - DIY SS upper boostpipe delete -Koni FSD's - elephant pipe CCV mod

26-07-2008, 17:21	#13
heresmo Briskodian Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,554 Members Car: Thanks: 50 Thanked 143 Times in 123 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I'd concur with what was said ealier about being assured that the dogs will be well looked after properly, whether by yourself or another. It's their welfare that counts isn't it? As you are having to let go of a part of your life, I guess you somehow have to become comfortable with that in all respects. My stand-by line to myself is that no-one ever told me that life was easy, and it sure ain't sometimes, so have to make of the current and future as best you can. In this, I suppose I'm really underlining "future". There are loads of things that keep one "sane" day-to-day and perhaps recognise more of the good things that do that? Best regards Mo __________________

26-07-2008, 17:52	#14
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Thanks for the comments people. If I get another dog with someone in a relationship, I kinda worried that I may not be able to put the same emotional effort into dog ownership in the future, with the fear that I'd loose them again. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan)

26-07-2008, 18:11	#15
Basil Hardcore Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Bahrain Posts: 3,255 Members Car: Fabia vRS Thanks: 200 Thanked 194 Times in 151 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Fear is natural mate. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel it, even really badly at times. You just have to go out and do what you want to. Decide if the time is right to get a dog, if it isn't, then decide on a deadline when it would be. And do it. Come hell or high water. You'll feel stronger for it.. Good luck matey Bas __________________ Fab vRS - Black Magic - PD160 intake - Forge FMIC - colour coded front grille -SLC Splitter - K&N Airfilter -SEAT Strutbrace - Jabba ARB - IC Waterspray (need to wire it in!) - 312mm TT brakes - Eibach Springs - Skoda Reversing sensors - Devonutopia Tuning (tm) Custom Exhaust (2 1/4" straight pipe) - Short shifter mod- 5 brake light mod - Helix Steel SMF + Organic Clutch + pressure plate - Peloquin LSD - TD stage 2 Hybrid - Washbrook remapped ECU - Uprated injectors - Cupra bushes -Poly-filled dogbone - Allard racepipe - Pirelli Dragons - Forge Rear Strutbrace - DIY SS upper boostpipe delete -Koni FSD's - elephant pipe CCV mod

27-07-2008, 11:55	#18
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Thanks guys, rather than get another dog, for now I've become a volunteer dog walker for my local RSPCA. Taking my first dog for a walk this afternoon. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan)

27-07-2008, 23:15	#20
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Thanks Mo. I took quite a collection of dogs for short 20 minutes walks today. It was to0 hot for both me and them to do much longer. I had a full afternoon down at the centre and took out the following in turn; Tille, a collie cross (4 yr old) Jake, a collie cross (5 yr old) Two wonderful little 7 month old pups, roxy (an english bulldog) and midge (collie gsd cross) Max a 2 yr old Rottwieler (who has as soft as anything and really nice) And my personal favorite who I'd have in an instant.... Zak, a white 5 yr old GSD with a wonderful tempermant. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan)

28-07-2008, 04:34	#21
RobClubley Ta moko! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Aotearoa - land of the long white cloud Posts: 7,004 Members Car: 2004 Octavia vRS Estate Images: 1 Thanks: 155 Thanked 161 Times in 134 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom Good that you're looking for a solution and I hope you're feeling a little better now. My ex took our two cats - not quite the same as a dog I know but we'd had them from eight weeks old and I missed them for years. __________________ Corrida Red 2004 Octavia vRS Estate - It's the bestest Skoda in New Zealand! Whaia te mātauranga, whaia te māramatanga - Pursue knowledge, pursue the wisdom of knowledge www.pimpmyskoda.co.uk www.clubley.org Facebook

28-07-2008, 05:35	#22
vrswhite Briskodian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: doncaster - yorkshire Posts: 694 Members Car: white octavia vrs 02 plate Thanks: 4 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom are you still in good health? and do you have a roof over your head? i will give my comments after i know these points. __________________

28-07-2008, 09:30	#23
auroan Briskoda Staff Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 2,873 Members Car: AUDI A4 B7 2.0 TDI SE Saloon Thanks: 206 Thanked 112 Times in 98 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom I get the feeling I know what your gonna say mr White. And yes I probably should, but hey, thats why we're human and have emotions. __________________ '05 Audi A4 2.0 Tdi SE - no mods until the warrenty expires ... yeah right... interior light pack, 3 spoke mfsw. '00 Audi A4 2.8 Quattro - Gone.... (bleeding money pit ) Audi A4 2.6 Avant (Breaking - Check out http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/auroan) Last edited by auroan; 28-07-2008 at 19:57.

28-07-2008, 19:13	#24
fordfan ECUless Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,057 Members Car: Thanks: 31 Thanked 246 Times in 215 Posts	Re: I'm at just about rock bottom We are here to talk to, if it helps. Can't guarantee that we can keep you sane , but by the sounds of it with your volunteer dog walking, you're back on the way up. Keep at it and things will get better.