barney_b

Why is it that everytime I date someone I end up being more unhappy than when I'm single? It's such a dissappointment and slowly I'm starting to think should I even bother dating anyone.

I've just started seeing someone and when we're together it really great and it makes the effort worth while but when we're not it all seems like far too much effort, effort (and money) I could be investing in my car and my career.

Am I alone in this thinking???

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walkie

Sound's like your with the wrong woman mate

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Lummox

Cant say im in a position to comment, been so long since I 'dated' someone Im not so sure id be any good if I needed to..lol

Luckily enough I have a great family, so id say keep looking.

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TeflonTom

Hang in there Ian... Mrs Right will come along sooner or later..... some women seem to not mind trampling on others feelings. and i suppose men do it to before the pc police say anything

robb06210

Hang in there Barney, ya half way home - now just wait til the right one comes along.

You don't want to be single believe me (4 years and counting here) it's even MORE depressing that having a missus ;-)

Hang in there lad!

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Emily-Elizabeth

I have this idea that relationships are always going to be wrong until you get it right.

If this isn't what you want (and the dining room table action is not right ) then it is time to call it quits and fish for someone else.

Do you always stick to the same type of girl, in which case maybe it is time to rethink the stratergy.

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Chris GB

Hi

The question you have to ask yourself is this:

Is she special enough to me?

If you really are good together and you really want her, then in your shoes I would be looking to find out why I get these feelings when she is not around. On the other hand, if it is a good laugh and a bit of fun, but every time she goes home you dont feel a bit of your heart being pulled away with her, then perhaps she is not the girl for you.

So could be she just does not mean that much to you, or could be you have issues that make you feel this way about a relationship with someone you really like. In my experience, these reactions are sometimes a defense mechanism stopping you getting in too deep.

Chris

PS really had to resist putting ... , punk, in that first line having watched dirty harry last night.

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Neo_VR

Depends what you mean.. from the way you said it, it seems like your only comfortable with this girl.. that its "nice" when your together, but you dont really miss her when your not together.. this is probably a bad thing.

You need to have a good think about it...

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barney_b

E-E this is not the dining room table one!

I don't know what to make of it, I text her last night to see if we we're meeting tomorrow night (I need to take some casual clothes into work with me hence why I asked) still no reply this morning. I'm not asking again, lately she's been quiet (not many txt's or emails) but when I saw her last thursday she was really enthusiastic and seemed really happy to be with me.

I guess I must like her otherwise I wouldn't wondering why she hasn't replied. But on the other hand part of me just says tell her to forget I don't need it. Arghhh!

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pixi

I think Ian may begin to regret sharing that

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Emily-Elizabeth

Yep, and I think it is very important he is not allowed to forget it.

So stalled lately?

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barney_b

Now I don't care that you know about the 'wood' thing but critcising my starting ability is something else!

Yes I stalled an oil burner, a derv monster,

a smoke machine!!!! It's not impossible!





Just heard from her and it's all on for tomorrow night, I'll have to see how it goes and then decide!

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Kentish

Why is it that text messages and emails are seen as instant communication with the expectation of an instant reply? From my occaisional use of text they can take hours or days to be recieved, and as for email..not using a computer is a pretty good barrier.

Whats wrong with voice to voice telephone calls?

On the relationship topic...perhaps your expectations are too high. A decent relationship grows as you both grow.

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Andy

Owner of a sense of humour.

AwesomeSarah

Heck
What is wrong with wanting a reply to a text.
I would expect it.
By texting people you manage to do it at work or even out shopping.
I would say if they cannot give you the reply you deserve forget it.
When I was married I was sooo happy , but he was not , so lets move on if that is so.
No it has to be magic for the both of you , if you are having doubts at the beggining of the relationship , you have to ask yourself "Will it get better"
If not move on , there are other fish in the sea and one may be just what your looking for
Sarah

tfboy

IMO, text can too easily lead to a misunderstanding in expectations.

Speaking from experience, one or two ladies I like very much (to the point of wanting to be with them if I wasn't already tied up) text me constantly expressing how they feel, the need for support up to the point of saying "why can't I find someone decent?". Now the combination of repeated texts and what they say does make me wonder if she really fancies me. But when we get to talk face to face (or on the phone), when I've alluded to that possibility, the answer has been a "no, I only want you as a friend".

All I'm trying to say is whilst texts can be great because they allow you to compose yourself and think before you reply, unlike on the end of the phone, the exact lack of verbal communication means you don't get to hear the tone of voice

So I'm with Andy on this, it takes time to build something and rushing into it as far as she's concerned may just worry her.

I'd give her some time. If you still don't get an answer by when you deem you ought to have one, maybe look for someone else who's an instant-replier

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Xavier

heresmo

Hi barney

Being a woman, I can't comment on whether you're alone in your thinking. I couldn't help noticing though that you say you are putting a lot of effort and money into it (presumably with the intention to impress). I'm inclined to wonder whether you are trying to attract a girl to someone who isn't really you?

Women will tend to forgive almost any fault (well, just about) for someone they feel to be a soulmate. IOW if you were to put less effort in, might you attract someone to the real you? Someone whom you can feel comfortable with, without feeling that you are giving something up (time, money whatever) to be with her.

That notion might reduce your pulling power, so I guess it depends whether you are looking for quantity, or quality for a longer term relationship.

Just my thoughts

Best
Mo

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Loz

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barney_b

It's a bit complicated I guess, there's quite an age difference between us (er...well lets just say she's in her 30's and I'm in my 20's) and I know she had bad experiences with men before so she might just be being cautious. When we're together we do have a really nice time and I always feel a bit sad we go our seperate ways at the end of the night.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see, it's odd I really wanted a relationship where I wasn't being bugged all the time by the other person and this is exactly that, now I'm here I think there's a happy medium somewhere in the middle!

Perhaps in time when things get a bit more settled it'll be OK, just when it's new it's a bit nerve racking!

@Loz- I know how you feel. Sometimes the pleasure isn't worth the pain and I'm not talking about S&M or bondage!

@heresmo- I was generalising about dating it's a costly business, meals, drinks, cinema, days out, etc! However I get your point on the less is more front. I've decided as much fun as jumping into bed is, it's best to actually get to know the person first rather than do it after a few dates. That must make me officially old!

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cheezemonkhai

Nowt wrong with the dining room table...

or the stairs, the kitchen work surfaces, or any public or private space

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Cars make CO2 and trees absorb CO2. By driving your car you're feeding a tree and helping the environment.

TeflonTom

that was the genral gist of what i posted on the first page, but then deleted it afterwards.....

cheezemonkhai

If there is a will, the pair of you will find any surface that works, and a lot of fun it usually is too.

On topic,

Women are a right royal pain in the ****, however relationships are well worth it.
This is comming from somebody who just got shat on from a good height by my now ex. Yeah it hurts or is boring, but when you find the right one, or even a good one it will be

Now me, i'm back out on the market again. This time i have learnt to turn down the easy options.... well i will until i get bored again

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Cars make CO2 and trees absorb CO2. By driving your car you're feeding a tree and helping the environment.

TeflonTom

one carefull lady owner, very good condition, average mileage, no timewasters please, offers!!!

cheezemonkhai

Test driven by many women, some not so careful, vgc throughout, low mileage

Probably a bit more accurate.


Since you are on hayling, whats you skoda as I work around that area so must have passed you at some point.

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Cars make CO2 and trees absorb CO2. By driving your car you're feeding a tree and helping the environment.

TeflonTom

cayenne red fabia 2.0 supercar with the gt bodykit on.

heresmo

Offers? "Lady driver, meets primary qualification of being (quote) "a right royal pain in the ****" Wot doin' on Friday cheesemonkhai?

TBH I hope you get a better offer than mine


Mo

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